The pledge mission this week was Capture the Officer. For three days, from noon to midnight, pledges had to track down, chase, tackle, and tie up the executive officers of the fraternity. We did not go quietly. The police can attest to that, in at least one case.
Our pledges are divided up into four houses, named after four of the founding fathers of the fraternity. Each pledge mission is worth house points, and the cumulative house point total for the semester decides who wins the Area Cup, the prestigious pledgeship trophy. Yes, this all came from Harry Potter. That would make me Dumbledore, and all I have to say to that is, I’vepretended to be lesser wizards before.
Points were attached to the circumstances of the capture, to make the competition more interesting. Fifty points were given for each individual capture, but bonus points were available; these points were earned by the items or setting of the hostage picture the house took. Here’s a quick menu:
In the Union food court – 25 points
On a moped – 25 points
Kissed by sorority girls – 25 points
In a shopping cart – 50 points
In Barnes and Noble – 50 points
At Mount Sequoyah – 50 points
Buying the office ice cream – 75 points
Riding go carts – 75 points
With a live horse – 100 points
You can see the logic behind some of these. I love Barnes and Noble. Most guys like kisses. All the officers love ice cream. The horse was sort of a “what the hay” thing – I didn’t think it would actually be done. Little did I know.
These could also be combined. If the officer was eating ice cream at Barnes and Noble astride a live horse, that’s 225 points, plus the fifty for the initial capture. That being said, let’s score some of these photos, you and I.
This is Jessie Green; he was the first to be captured. Since all the doors were locked, the House of Duke broke through a window screen in his basement, came up the stairs and pulled him out of the top bunk he sleeps in every night like he’s a five year old. Kudos for the special operations night vision, but that’s all. 50 points.
Jessie had a rough night Tuesday. House of Wagner. 50 points. No extra for caressing.
Our president Lowell, captured by the House of Miller on Thursday. Lowell’s original plan was to lock his doors every day at noon and not come out for any reason until the next morning. He even made a grocery run before the game started. This plan fell through, though, when two complete houses came to his house on Wednesday night demanding his blood in some sort of spiritual communion exercise. This spooked him enough to attempt to switch hide outs, at which point he was captured. Ice cream, shopping cart, and girls make this worth 200 points.
The House of Miller’s capture of me. They followed me from the library, waited for an hour outside the Kappa house (because the Kappa’s refused to let them in), and then ran me down like a loose puppy trying to make it to freedom in the middle of the road. Marks for moped and girls; 100 points.
Also note David Norris, who is wearing a Pankration shirt. He’s been a major force in the promotion of my holiday, and tells me there are 200 people in a Facebook group committed to a Pankration celebration. He even made flyers.
Miller’s capture of both Eric Barnes and Andy Brown. Miller was a busy house on Thursday, capturing in all six officers. These captures came off tips from the paterfamilias of their house, Ryan Miller himself. That’s like Godric Gryffindor catching the Golden Snitch. Okay, maybe more like Helga Hufflepuff. Two officers, two mopeds, ice cream for all: 300 points.
The House of Cooper captured me on Wednesday. They waited outside my Classical Literature class, and chased me literally halfway across campus before I collapsed like an asthmatic. They duct taped my arms from the wrist to the elbow, and my legs from the ankles to the knees. They put me in a truck with a bag over my head. They tickled me.
I tried to resist at every possible moment. Escape wasn’t really an option, because I moved like a pogo stick, but every time the cab door opened, I managed to fall out onto the pavement. I wouldn’t stand, either – I’d make them put my dead weight back into the truck.
Sorority girls, moped, shopping cart, AND live horses: 250 points. They would have gotten 75 more with ice cream, but one of the pledges put the ice cream sandwich in my hands before they took the picture. That’s a mistake. Before they could get the camera turned on, I ate the entire sandwich with the wrapper still on. You can’t see it, but my face is covered in chocolate.
I like to think of all this as training for when my cover as a human is eventually blown. I’LL TELL YOU NOTHING!